don't let me stone, or .........................
why is time passing by so slowly? it has only been three days and the feeling inside is gradually killing me. could it be i’ve taken the wrong step? i’ve always believed that time will heal but how it is going to cure the pain within me this time? one year? 5 years? or just 3 months?
i actually thought it was going to be easy, to let go something i’ve been holding on so tight. loosening may be easy but letting go is a definite challenge. if I have a choice, i rather lose this challenge.
i want to know what i really want. i’ve lost faith in the trust i have for myself. everytime i look into the mirror, all i can see is a fool, a fool lying to herself.
i loathe this feeling.
just so you know, the sky was crying over shattered hearts.
madigras
hold your jaws! yes i cut my hair and don't ask me why cause i won't know how to answer. i only know i have to make sure i'm satisfied with my appearance before i leave for Madigras. no idea how many times i try to style my hair making the ends stand but failed. the person who can accept changes and still stand confidently is the one to admire. until now, i still cannot accept my new look. =/
u might think its fine because its just this angle that looks alright.. heh
yesterday wasn't great but it was surely fun. even the suckiest place can turn the ambiance to a great night just by having your closed ones around you. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying Madigras sucks. instead, it was quite okay. the music they played was not bad actually. some bringing back old memories and some just got us jumping. the dj kinda suck though. he really should cut down the amount of interruptions. i have to say i enjoyed myself yesterday. cheers to the black label bottle and cheers to the tequilla pops. i used to drink to drown sorrow, be emotional and end up tearing but yesterday night, it was of happy occasion. i'm actually quite blessed with the companies i spent the night with yesterday. thank you. YMCA? =)
chui, mel and june
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."- Helen Keller
phei and i
"Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends whom we choose." - Tehyi Hsieh
there, i bumped into two hot celebrities.
i shall present to you....
mel, the popstar
and phei, the pornstar.. lol j/k
shal and william
"I don't remember how we happened to meet each other. I don't remember who got along with whom first. All I can remember is all of us together...always."
william and i
neveen and i
shal and phei
"A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else." - Len Wein -
june and i
"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."- Ralph Waldo Emerson
chui, shal and mel
"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."- Ralph Waldo Emerson
tequilla pops!!
chui, june, shal and daryl
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." - Charles Caleb Colton
shal and i
"Do not save your loving speeches.
For your friends till they are dead.
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.- Anna Cummins
daryl and i
"Happiness is time spent with a friend and looking foward to sharing time with them again."- Lee Wilkinson
chui, shal, will, phei, mel, june and daryl
"Money might make you wealthy, but friends makes you rich." -Irma Berbis
girls of the night (june, mel, chui, phei and shal) "We cannot tell the precise moment when a friendshipt is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, There is at last one drop that makes it run over. So in a series of kindness there is at last one drop that makes the heart run over." Sent by Collen
and again..
there's another shot similar to this but i present this one instead of the other because i realised that shal's hand was on phei's stomache on the other picture. shal?
chui, shal, daryl and xm at ming tien
"My friends are my estate."- Emily Dickinson
i love carlsberggg
teh-o-berg
"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us." -The Wonder Years
WHY DO I HAVE TO CLEAN YOUR SHIT????
my weekend
i'm soooOOoooo hungry and my dad's cooking is making my legs weak! i'm having chinese+western food tonight and its the cheeeese sausages that are making me wobbly. that's why i'm here, settled down.
i had a super long weekend and to be back home now, i still can't believe that the funeral has came to an end. how death makes people apart has made me realised that i haven't done much to pay off everything my parents have showered upon me. i'm never asking too much from them, neither do they expect too highly on me. i haven't learnt much from my dad, the fact that he's saving so hard to feed the family and i, on the other hand, spent 400 bucks in the airport. wtf ??
on the arrival ar the JB airport, i was already feeling butterflies in my stomach what more when i first stepped into the house at Layang. most of them still recognised me and i was known as 'fong fah(mum's name)'s youngest daughter'. i felt like i was in a foreign place with familiar faces and the anxiety which somehow was flowing through my blood made me forget to greet my grandfather. how possible? be in my shoes.
first day
"i feel that i have drifted apart from my loved ones back home, having to stay in a place of people i hardly know anymore despite having the same blood flow in our bodies. i sobb quietly when i got scared being under the same roof with familiar yet unknown faces. i am only able to sit there staring blankly at the furnitures which are still fresh in my memories and before i know it, tears filled up my eyes. i feel hopeless as though i cannot adapt easily to new surroundings. i shake my thoughts away by typing this on my handphone cause i know i cannot look weak in their eyes.
i was the favourite niece of my youngest uncle back then, perhaps i've grown to need not have his love anymore or what looks more like it is that he has his own family now. i still have the musicbox he gave to me. i've always preferred my maternal family because they definately made me feel like i belonged in the family compared to my paternal family. my paternal grandmother loathed me since young but now it has been better. at this very moment, i don't think i belong here(back in hometown).
on the other hand, i'm glad that i came back to give my last respect representing my whole family. i don't mean to be rude, but now, i just hope to be stucked in one corner with my harry potter book."
(written on the first day)
second day & third day
too occupied to write anything.
to summarize all, i had to wake up early and sleep late. you need to queue up to use the bathroom. know why? there were almost 40 people living under the same roof during the funeral =/ its crazy, i know. the funeral lasted for the 5 days and the fifth day was the burial ceremony.
i think my mum's sublings better known as uncles are so... heartless. they all left quickly on the day 5th day as thought they are gonna miss a jackpot or something. i thought it will be quite thoughtful of them if they were to stay on another 2days to accompany their parents(my grandparents). but nah....
i arrived this morning and when i reached home, i was fucking fed up with the conditions of the house. the blanket put to wash on the day i left was still in the dirty clothes basket. the amount of dirty clothes were piling up high like a christmas trees. the floor not swept and mopped at all. the clothes i put to dry were still outside the house. they were probably having a good chat with the moon and stars that my siblings do not bother to collect them in. my sister's luggage from Prague still not cleared yet, she's crazy! her worn clothes are piling up in my room, expecting me to put them to wash when i come back. i'm super glad i bathed boy and dao dao before i left if not, boy's face will probably look as if somebody has painted it black.
i was only away for 3 days!! i think my house will turn upside down if i'm away for a week plus.
some presentable pictures below
view from the plane
so puffy! =)
senai, johore
i thought this is something to be shared. the dragons are shaped out of sand and also sprayed.
its about time
my holidays is coming to an end already and i'll be spending this weekend in johore. i won't say my holidays was unproductive because i'm guessing the things done during my holidays were quite meaningful from spending the whole night yum char-ing to cleaning the house whole night till the sun rises. then, sleep the whole day =) mel, sleeping is the new cool huh? i think i'm cool then *laughs*
my grandmother will be going to singapore this weekend so tonight will be the last night seeing her before chinese new year. i'm having a mixture of feeling though there's not much of bond between us both. i just hope she could adapt to the new surroundings and live peacefully with my relatives.
i'm sure there'll be a drastic change at home when she leaves in which i will not be able to imagine if some 'things' really happen. i know, life goes on. i don't quite bother much anymore even if everything falls apart, i know i'll still be standing on my own feet. the chinese saying "even if the sky falls, just take it as a blanket" =)
when class commences, everything will be back to study life. no more late night yum char sessions, no more sleeping till the sun burn my ass, no more sleeping when people starts to go for their morning jog, no more drinking like there's no tomorrow. but, i'll make sure badminton goes on =)
4 more subjects till i graduate from diploma!! yahOOooOOo.. then 3 months holidays.. wow!
gotta start thinking how to spend my holidays already.. heh
anyways, have u guys made a new year resolution? i know nowadays people don't believe in new year resolutions anymore because if u're determined to do something, why wait till new year? its true, that's why this year i didn't bother making any. however, i have mine already for next year just for simply. and if i break it, i'm gonna fcuking look down on myself.
good night all.
