t h e y d o n ' t k n o w m e: my weekend

Monday, October 08, 2007

my weekend

i'm soooOOoooo hungry and my dad's cooking is making my legs weak! i'm having chinese+western food tonight and its the cheeeese sausages that are making me wobbly. that's why i'm here, settled down.

i had a super long weekend and to be back home now, i still can't believe that the funeral has came to an end. how death makes people apart has made me realised that i haven't done much to pay off everything my parents have showered upon me. i'm never asking too much from them, neither do they expect too highly on me. i haven't learnt much from my dad, the fact that he's saving so hard to feed the family and i, on the other hand, spent 400 bucks in the airport. wtf ??

on the arrival ar the JB airport, i was already feeling butterflies in my stomach what more when i first stepped into the house at Layang. most of them still recognised me and i was known as 'fong fah(mum's name)'s youngest daughter'. i felt like i was in a foreign place with familiar faces and the anxiety which somehow was flowing through my blood made me forget to greet my grandfather. how possible? be in my shoes.

first day
"i feel that i have drifted apart from my loved ones back home, having to stay in a place of people i hardly know anymore despite having the same blood flow in our bodies. i sobb quietly when i got scared being under the same roof with familiar yet unknown faces. i am only able to sit there staring blankly at the furnitures which are still fresh in my memories and before i know it, tears filled up my eyes. i feel hopeless as though i cannot adapt easily to new surroundings. i shake my thoughts away by typing this on my handphone cause i know i cannot look weak in their eyes.
i was the favourite niece of my youngest uncle back then, perhaps i've grown to need not have his love anymore or what looks more like it is that he has his own family now. i still have the musicbox he gave to me. i've always preferred my maternal family because they definately made me feel like i belonged in the family compared to my paternal family. my paternal grandmother loathed me since young but now it has been better. at this very moment, i don't think i belong here(back in hometown).
on the other hand, i'm glad that i came back to give my last respect representing my whole family. i don't mean to be rude, but now, i just hope to be stucked in one corner with my harry potter book."
(written on the first day)

second day & third day
too occupied to write anything.
to summarize all, i had to wake up early and sleep late. you need to queue up to use the bathroom. know why? there were almost 40 people living under the same roof during the funeral =/ its crazy, i know. the funeral lasted for the 5 days and the fifth day was the burial ceremony.

i think my mum's sublings better known as uncles are so... heartless. they all left quickly on the day 5th day as thought they are gonna miss a jackpot or something. i thought it will be quite thoughtful of them if they were to stay on another 2days to accompany their parents(my grandparents). but nah....

i arrived this morning and when i reached home, i was fucking fed up with the conditions of the house. the blanket put to wash on the day i left was still in the dirty clothes basket. the amount of dirty clothes were piling up high like a christmas trees. the floor not swept and mopped at all. the clothes i put to dry were still outside the house. they were probably having a good chat with the moon and stars that my siblings do not bother to collect them in. my sister's luggage from Prague still not cleared yet, she's crazy! her worn clothes are piling up in my room, expecting me to put them to wash when i come back. i'm super glad i bathed boy and dao dao before i left if not, boy's face will probably look as if somebody has painted it black.

i was only away for 3 days!! i think my house will turn upside down if i'm away for a week plus.

some presentable pictures below