Friday, June 20, 2008

the bottom line is, i have a dead tooth in my mouth.

the past 2 weeks have been tough for me. early of last week, i was involved in an accident at 7.30 in the morning on the journey to college along MRR2 highway. i clearly remember my reaction when the collusion took place. "fuck fuck, damn it.. erghh" followed by a inadvertent punch on the steering wheel.

this is my 2nd attempt on resketching the accident.


it was already a very bad day for me but badminton that night sure did bring up my mood a little. that was what i needed. friends making me laughed/cheering me without knowing what happened that morning. nevertheless, in the end of the day, you still wish for that piece of consolation from that particular person. i miss those days where we would just whine to each another over a cup of tea.

the next day of my accident, my friend's dad was involved in another accident. the damage was way serious and complicated. he was hit by a tractor! and did i mention, my friend was with me when i knocked the car in front? i wonder how it feels like being involved in 2 accidents consecutively. my dad hasn't spoken to me since the accident and i know he will go on and on with this killing cold treatment until i get the car fixed. would you rather being scolded and yelled or totally ignored?

on last thursday, it was a blue moon : )

i didn't have a car but i was desperate to go college, not because i was hardworking but simply because i felt like going to college. i did it once and it will be the last time. that was when i found out, calling a cab now charges you RM2 instead of RM1 and this new charge was implemented 1 year ago. i took a cab to college from my doorstep and it cost me RM24. *ouch
(i could have bought 4 bottles of heineken in Miri AND i still can give tips!)

money is nothing when it comes to safety. if i knew i was going to meet a pathetic asshole and a son of a bitch in the lrt station on the way home, i won't mind paying a double of my cab fare to go home. the next time i see you again, it's when i'll be watching you strip your pants with a smirk on MY face this time.

to make the matter worst, that night itself i was suffering from a toothache which almost made me kill myself. i wanted to tie a string to that particular tooth and secured the other end of the string to the doorknob where the door opens outwards. i will wait patiently behind the door and on a count to three, i will make my brother open the door as fast as possible as though there are stripers in bunny costumes awaiting for him behind the closed door. and if that really took place, i swear i would have killed my brother. the pain was unbearable i couldn't sleep that night and that was the excuse for skipping class the following day.

i have visited the dentist and the pain has left but there's still a slight but disturbing sharp pain. before we go any further, let's look into the anatomy of a tooth. this could be boring, but please take note. you will know why at the end of this post.

the pulp chamber contains blood vessels, nerves and other connective tissues and creates the surrounding hard tissues of the tooth during development. The pulp is important during a tooth’s growth and development. However, once a tooth is fully mature it can survive without the pulp, because the tooth continues to be nourished by the tissues surrounding it.

if you know when the pulp matures, please enlighten me.

The Root canal treatment (RCT) is needed when the tooth's root becomes infected or inflamed through injury or advanced decay as you can see from the picture above.
The tooth is anesthetized. An opening is made through the crown of the tooth to the pulp chamber. Special files are used to clean the infection and unhealthy pulp out of the canals. Irrigation is used to help clean the main canal (called lateral canals).



The canals are filled with a permanent material, often gutta-percha. This helps to keep the canals free of infection or contamination.


A temporary filling material is placed on top of the gutta-percha to seal the opening until the tooth is ready to be prepared for a crown. A crown, sometimes called a cap, is made to look like a natural tooth, and is placed on top.


Althought it is said that the tooth was sedated but during the process, i was literally shrieking for pain and holding my hands together so tightly the nurse had to calm me down. seconds later, the pain became sharp and agonizing, i cried as my legs were kicking and hiting on the seat.

it was a torture i never want to endure again.

and the reason why i ask you all to take notice of this is that, this treatment easily cost me RM450. and this amount is not including "crowning"(to protect and restore the tooth to full function) where i have to do after my braces. crowning will cost me RM600. but of course there is an alternative to this treatment which is to get your tooth extracted. i have to skip this as the missing tooth will be a problem to my braces.

car damage

2 5 0 + 4 4 0 = 6 9 0

RCT

6 0 0 + 4 5 0 = 1 1 5 0

Jumlah keseluruhan dalam SATU bulan

6 9 0 + 1 1 5 0 = 1 8 4 0

0.o""" who wants to buy my backside?

on the journey home from the clinic, i cried. it wasn't just a hole burnt on my pocket, it felt like a blood suction right in the middle of my heart.

knn, in a blink of eye, my set of teeth has become more valuable.

p/s: please visit the dentist regularly. i swear you'll rather pay RM20 for consultation.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

everything is going to be alright, there will be light for me to search my way out.

i'm feeling so lost and very very low right now. i couldn't concentrate in class at all just now so after 10 minutes in lecture, staring blankly at the projector not listening to a word the lecturer was saying, i made my way out of the lecture hall. i felt guilty but the pain in my stomach also convinced me to go home. what is the point attending lecture, but not gaining anything from it right? if i stayed on, it was simply to make my petrol more 'worth' it. i saved 20 ringgit but lost 45 minutes of my precious time.

this is a very bad start of my new semester. i disliked my course, now i hate it so much but there's no way out. i stepped in too deep and went through hell during diploma level but managed to make my way till the end safely and i'm grateful for the efforts i put in. i know clearly that there's no way for me to back out now. its just one way straight; die or survive. aren't we supposed to be doing something of our interest to enjoy this short life? i haven't tasted happiness since i got back here. college life is giving me a headache, accountings is cutting my life short.

i need somebody right now. i don't need you to hear me out. i don't need you to share my depression. i need one who can just make me happy for just a day without knowing anything at all. how come the person who really know what i want is you? you made me cry after so long but don't get me wrong, the tears don't mean anything at all. it just feels like i've made a big round.

my path now is towards ACCA and if i fail more than twice for one subject, i won't be able to claim exemptions and i won't be able to pursue my studies in Sheffield Hallam.
wasn't my 3 months break long enough for me to play around? why am i still not prepared for everything. there's no time to play anymore, no time to take a break, no such thing as honeymoon year. i really feel like having a shoulder to rest and at the same time, i just want my head straight up. i have to keep going, i'll meet you all at the end of the finishing line and that's when you'll tell me, "i'm so proud of you".