everything is going to be alright, there will be light for me to search my way out.
i'm feeling so lost and very very low right now. i couldn't concentrate in class at all just now so after 10 minutes in lecture, staring blankly at the projector not listening to a word the lecturer was saying, i made my way out of the lecture hall. i felt guilty but the pain in my stomach also convinced me to go home. what is the point attending lecture, but not gaining anything from it right? if i stayed on, it was simply to make my petrol more 'worth' it. i saved 20 ringgit but lost 45 minutes of my precious time.
this is a very bad start of my new semester. i disliked my course, now i hate it so much but there's no way out. i stepped in too deep and went through hell during diploma level but managed to make my way till the end safely and i'm grateful for the efforts i put in. i know clearly that there's no way for me to back out now. its just one way straight; die or survive. aren't we supposed to be doing something of our interest to enjoy this short life? i haven't tasted happiness since i got back here. college life is giving me a headache, accountings is cutting my life short.
i need somebody right now. i don't need you to hear me out. i don't need you to share my depression. i need one who can just make me happy for just a day without knowing anything at all. how come the person who really know what i want is you? you made me cry after so long but don't get me wrong, the tears don't mean anything at all. it just feels like i've made a big round.
my path now is towards ACCA and if i fail more than twice for one subject, i won't be able to claim exemptions and i won't be able to pursue my studies in Sheffield Hallam.
wasn't my 3 months break long enough for me to play around? why am i still not prepared for everything. there's no time to play anymore, no time to take a break, no such thing as honeymoon year. i really feel like having a shoulder to rest and at the same time, i just want my head straight up. i have to keep going, i'll meet you all at the end of the finishing line and that's when you'll tell me, "i'm so proud of you".
posted by JoannE @ 11:00 PM
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