too close to be broken
this is super depressing, undergoing so much of stress and having no one to comprehend at all. i thought you would at least lend a hand, but instead, you just lay down there with your comics. My fingers were so tiring and my brain almost exploded for elaborating and coming out with points. i should be resting my fingers but decided to blog because you're sleeping and there's no one to send me back. how can u sleep and leave me in your room just like that? i'm very thirsty but dare not step out from the room. i wanna go back cause my bro told me my dad is locking the gate tonight but dare not wake you up. you have no idea how u differ much when i try to wake you up. you wouldn't care even if itz me and will simply let out your anger, as though waking you up causes you much pain. i wanted to wait for you to reveal my results to feel the anticipation together but you choose to sleep. perhaps you were tired of waiting for me to finish my assignments as well but you have no idea i feel so much pressure from my mates. i'm expected for this and that. sometimes i feel that itz really not that good being too close. we expect each another to understand each another, hence caring or not is already not a matter. i want to feel commited and not just on going till dunno where. you might expect me to take care of myself but deep inside, i seriously hope you would be my shleter, the person i run to and not the person i cry for. my saliva are drying, i'm getting more thirsty and worst still, having a backache. baby, what should i do to earn your care. i don't wanna be too close to you. i don't wanna be "expected". i hope you would still treat me like a little baby, need to be pampered need to be sayang-ed. i want to realise my wishes with you; i want to watch the sun rise in your arms, i want to lay by the beach and point out our guardian star, the brightest one together, i want to try all the good food with you, i just want to have a happy contented life.
i learn that human can never be satisfied. you gimme one, i ask for two. but i try to be satisfied with the one and make full use of it. but if the one is fully utilised shouldn't you be ready with another one? when i lose faith i start to imagine the hands being offered, and itz sad to know that yours isn't there. then i think again, izzit because we're being too close?
your phone rang, i hesitated in waking you up. i was afraid you might just slam your hands towards me. like the other day, when i came to wake you up, put myself in your arms but you just didn't feel my presence. you were too tired? i tried to comprehend so i just sit aside and fell asleep by your bed. sigh.
i notice your behaviour is changing as the closer we get. you're insensitive with my feelings and it should be because we're too close. the closer i get to you, the more i feel insecurities. such a headache. i just finished my assignments, should be relieved a little but i tend to give myself another headache after another.
after the phone call, you tried to fall back to sleep, i heard you told your friend that you're very tired. i'm very tired too. maybe you don't know i was serious bout my dad locking the door, maybe you don't know i'm done with my assignments, maybe you don't know i want to go back and maybe you don't know i'm feeling a heartache that's why you're trying to sleep again. i really did try to comprehend.
i look into the empty cup and took the very last droplet os water. that droplet couldn't even drown an ant. should i go down to get water or should i not.
your phone rang again and u answered. urgh. i have to make the decision myself. i didn't request you to decide just hoping that you could let me know your opinion.
my dad really locked the door.
sigh.
i need advises. i need guidance. i need you to calm me when i'm angry. when i'm complaining i want you to feel how i was feeling and fully understand but most of the time, you could only sigh along. maybe you really didn't know what to say. maybe you're just like that so i really didn't blame you, i'm just a lil disappointed. you woke up to answer calls and didn't even speak to me, maybe you thought i was still doing my assignments.
there's no more excitement to open the envelope of results already. no more. who cares anyways.
can you be my guardian angel? i just need you to shine on me when i'm lost.
posted by JoannE @ 11:41 PM
3 Comments:
well, at least i still care..
and i believe there are still a bunch of people out there who feels the same as me too..
.: d|CexM :.
"the heart has reasons that the reasons don't know."
got that from One Tree Hill (i love nathan)...
sometimes people don't realize the stuff they're doing that could hurt other people's feelings. talk it through... hope you're okay. :)
Xm - my heart knows clearly who cares and who doesn't and i know u do.. thanks..
June - I wanna watch one tree hill.Perhaps i'll get to learn more bout life then. I'm fine already, just needed to scream it out.. =)
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