I love walking in the rain because nobody will know I am crying
Only today I realised that I cannot sleep away my problems like how I used to already. I would say it is half good and half bad. The good thing is I won't be able to run away, instead face it and the bad thing is, I have sleepless night. My mind keeps wandering leaving my eyes wide open. I supposed it is because you are becoming more important to me? who will know but myself.
Remember when I asked you if you will think it is a waste if we break up and you said yes whereas I said no? I think it has somehow hurt you but do you understand why I say no?
Even if we break up after being years together, it will definately not be a waste because you've marked my heart and I appreaciate it for we've given each another a chance to be lovers and learn how to feel each another's heart and to have taught each another different meaning of lives. I remember it wasn't love when we got together but slowly I found myself in love with you, I adore your humanity and personality but you know how we only reveal our true colours after a long period? I feel that you don't understand me, you don't take good care of me well, you don't pamper me, you don't let me win even when I'm wrong and you don't have the same taste as me and I started to feel agony. But the fact is, I'm selfish. I wish for more and I wish you could be up to my expectations. I admit that I've never really put myself in your shoe and feel your pain but I really did try to and fail. I can't control my mind and I'm always at the state of ambiguity and i know whenever I fall into a dilemma situation, the devil always win. I permit him to play with my mind and left myself suffer even more. So what if I know I'm wrong? I'll always think that I shouldn't be making the first move.
Besides that, I'm very bad in controlling my emotions. If only crying is a crime then I would forbid myself from tearing. I didn't know even this relationship could make me cry so many times when I thought I've found someone who will not let me cry but I know clearly that this is impossible. There won't be anyone at all who dares to make a promise to me on this because everyone knows I'm such a cry baby.
I cry when my dad scolds me, I cry when my brother doesn't want to let me watch the tv, I cry during departures, I cry when you ignore me, I cry more when you don't care, I cry when I feel lonely, I cry when I hear back songs like "she will be loved"and "over and over again", I cry when I feel that everyone has turned their backs to me, I cry when I have no one to run to, I cry when I miss my mum(last time), I cry when I've gotten all ready, even with my make up on and you cancelled everything, I cry most when I feel disappointed and realised that my tears are nothing to you, I cry when you walk away from me, I also cry when I notice there is still somebody who cares, I cry when I feel disgraced, I cry for too many little reasons.
I cry just too many times infront of you and I'm starting to feel really stupid because I don't think you feel the pain when I cry. I turn around when I cry, I walk away when I cry and whatever I do, I just don't want to cry infront of you anymore. Itz silly how I always say so but I will fall short. I'm still waiting for the day to come when you tell me you won't let me cry anymore. My tears are worthless already.
When I was walking in the mall, seeing a small kid holding on to his mother hand, I felt so envious. It was then when I hoped you could at least cheer me up with a lollipop.
Remember when I asked you if you will think it is a waste if we break up and you said yes whereas I said no? I think it has somehow hurt you but do you understand why I say no?
Even if we break up after being years together, it will definately not be a waste because you've marked my heart and I appreaciate it for we've given each another a chance to be lovers and learn how to feel each another's heart and to have taught each another different meaning of lives. I remember it wasn't love when we got together but slowly I found myself in love with you, I adore your humanity and personality but you know how we only reveal our true colours after a long period? I feel that you don't understand me, you don't take good care of me well, you don't pamper me, you don't let me win even when I'm wrong and you don't have the same taste as me and I started to feel agony. But the fact is, I'm selfish. I wish for more and I wish you could be up to my expectations. I admit that I've never really put myself in your shoe and feel your pain but I really did try to and fail. I can't control my mind and I'm always at the state of ambiguity and i know whenever I fall into a dilemma situation, the devil always win. I permit him to play with my mind and left myself suffer even more. So what if I know I'm wrong? I'll always think that I shouldn't be making the first move.
Besides that, I'm very bad in controlling my emotions. If only crying is a crime then I would forbid myself from tearing. I didn't know even this relationship could make me cry so many times when I thought I've found someone who will not let me cry but I know clearly that this is impossible. There won't be anyone at all who dares to make a promise to me on this because everyone knows I'm such a cry baby.
I cry when my dad scolds me, I cry when my brother doesn't want to let me watch the tv, I cry during departures, I cry when you ignore me, I cry more when you don't care, I cry when I feel lonely, I cry when I hear back songs like "she will be loved"and "over and over again", I cry when I feel that everyone has turned their backs to me, I cry when I have no one to run to, I cry when I miss my mum(last time), I cry when I've gotten all ready, even with my make up on and you cancelled everything, I cry most when I feel disappointed and realised that my tears are nothing to you, I cry when you walk away from me, I also cry when I notice there is still somebody who cares, I cry when I feel disgraced, I cry for too many little reasons.
I cry just too many times infront of you and I'm starting to feel really stupid because I don't think you feel the pain when I cry. I turn around when I cry, I walk away when I cry and whatever I do, I just don't want to cry infront of you anymore. Itz silly how I always say so but I will fall short. I'm still waiting for the day to come when you tell me you won't let me cry anymore. My tears are worthless already.
When I was walking in the mall, seeing a small kid holding on to his mother hand, I felt so envious. It was then when I hoped you could at least cheer me up with a lollipop.
Should I kiss dating goodbye, again?
posted by JoannE @ 1:14 AM
1 Comments:
"i promise no matter what happens u gotta remember u hav a shoulder here n i hav ur shoulder standby 24/7 aights??..."
those words were from you.. i don't know if you still remember them and who you said that to.. but those are not important...whats important is i want you to know that my shoulder has never moved an inch and it is still here where it should be for you when you need to lean on it... feel free to use it whenever you need it, alrite.. besides, you wont eat ur words, will you? ;P hope you'll be fine as time goes by, my friend..
- never frown.. cos you'll never know who's falling in love with your smile -
so, smile.. : ) and say "chEeeSeee!"
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